Excellence through Materialocity

Yesterday was a red letter day in Yuppiedom for me.

I paid off my car. (it's German!)
I activated my first Blackberry (I can email from my phone and.... stuff!)

And yet it felt completely empty. An anti-climactic non-event.

I hacked my Blackberry to remove the goddamn corporate security policy then checked my car loan on the interweb. Payoff: 0.00. The car is mine. Blackberry, mine. I had a mini panic attack perhaps due to two days without a drink; perhaps due to this newfound acquisition of material goods. I've been trying to simplify, goddamnit, and here I am, with a newfangled phone with more features than I could possibly use, and I car which I have had in my possesion without true ownership.

I should have felt lighter and instead I felt weighted down.

I popped the buds in my ears jammed my eyepod in my hoodie pocket, put on a coat, beanie, grabbed a chai tea, ran the trash down, lit up a smoke, then headed down my dark alley looking for perspective.

As soon as the wheels on the thrash can stopped rolling at the curb I felt the cold sting of freezing rain on my face, realized it was there after the machine like motions that got me to where I was standing. It stung and I hated it and every practical neuron in my brain was firing 'go inside, retard!' and I ignored it and pressed ahead knowing that weather is a blessing from whoever just for the experience, even bad weather reminds you that you are alive.

I walked farther than I thought and crushed the tea and smoked two smokes down to 10th street zig zagging back alley the whole way left behind my Blackberry, my watch, brought the eyepod for its' company and the sensory disconnect it provides. 10th street came back Carson familar road drunks staggering usually me past the normal bars and hot spots and tried to look at everything with a different perspective sober, sober night. No new revelations thoughts feelings of any real break through caliber shit but instead I just walked and was mindful of my breath and my thoughts and the songs and enjoyed the cold night rain in all its simplicity.